Extract from The Lazy Sod's Guide to Pulling

Meeting places

Cupid’s arrow can strike anywhere (I don’t mean on your bum – I mean in a pub or club). You could be walking down street and see the most beautiful girl in the world – and there beside her is someone (probably hideous) who might actually fall for your Pulling techniques. Yep there is a great randomness about the whole thing - but it helps if you know the most likely places for finding Tottie.

* Pubs: Great for meeting hot chicks – but choose the right pub to give yourself the best chance of Pulling – one that’s full of cheap sluts rather than more discerning rich bitches.

Good for: A few drinks will loosen your inhibitions and make it easier to chat up the talent.

Bad for: Another few drinks and you’ll lose all your inhibitions, your shirt, underwear, dignity . . .

Do: Ask the Target if she’d like a drink - rather than demanding that she buy one for you.

Don’t: Get so pissed that you’d even shag the barman’s dog.

Tip: 80% of babies are the result of too much alcohol (the other 20% are the result of too little alcohol).

* Night clubs: May seem daunting places for the few people who have not yet appeared on “Come Dancing” but most clubs are crammed with randy shag-muffin.

Good for: If you have a speech impediment – the noise is so loud she’ll not hear a word you stutter.

Bad for: You’ll need to be able to pretend that you can dance.

Do: Find a likely Target for the all important smoochy ‘last dance’.

Don’t: Try ambitious dance moves and end up breaking her legs.

Tip: Don’t drink and dance – you’ll look like a complete plonker.

Extracts from No' Rabbie Burns

A Gay's a Man for A' That

Is there for honest policy

That hings its head, an a' that?

The coward politician, we pass him by -

We dare be queer for a' that!

For a' that, an a' that!

Our ways obscure, an a' that,

Marriage is but the guinea's stamp,

The gay's the gowd for a' that.

What though on ‘homo’ fare we dine,

Wear shocking pink, an a' that?

Gie fools their thrills, and knaves their wives -

A gay's a man for a' that.

For a' that, an a' that,

Their tinsel show, an a' that,

The honest gay, tho’ e'er sae queer,

Is queen o’ men for a' that.

Then let us pray that come it may

(As come it will for a' that),

That Liberty and Charity o'er a' the earth,

Shall bear the gree an a' that.

For a' that, an a' that,

It's coming yet for a' that,

That gay to gay, the world, o'er

Shall brithers be for a' that.